To Tinder and beyond

You’d think the more ways there are to do something, the easier it would be. You pick what works for you and continue onward. Sometimes, however, the multitude of options can inhibit.

We are living in the digital age, and I assume you either bemoan or are intrigued by online dating. I’m 22, and I’m probably far away from finding “the one,” but I bring that up not because I want to talk about myself but because dating nowadays is different from how it was years ago.

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Maybe the dates themselves haven’t changed; people still go out to movies or grab coffee together. But the awkward moments beforehand – when you’re interested in someone and you’re caught in that tug-of-war between going forward with your interests and figuring things out more slowly – have.

I, personally, think online dating is dumb. Perhaps my attitude is a bit curmudgeonly. I’ve read stories of significant others who have met each other through the swath of online dating websites and apps available. People are always on the computer anyway, so what better place to find a date?

The problem lies in the surplus. People don’t like to own up to whatever baggage they might have. The fact of the matter is that online dating profiles are just as rigorously manicured as social media sites. We want as many people to be intrigued by our profiles as possible, so we create shallow versions of ourselves. Makeup looks perfect today? More people need to see that. You prefer to spend time indoors, but here’s a really cool picture of you in a canoe in foreign waters.

The trouble is that this practice is massive. Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired, and we want to make sure that we inspire that desire in other people. Who doesn’t love attention, even if we can’t reciprocate it all? The problem is that everyone wants that. So as we “stalk” people on social media, swipe on Tinder and scroll through dating profiles, we need to find a way to eliminate candidates. There are obvious red flags, but how do we look beyond that?

Answer: We get pretty shallow. When showing interest no longer requires the sweaty-palmed act of going up and talking to someone, but rather clicking a button online, it is all too easy to reject someone. And with a roster of cute boys/girls at the ready, second chances might not come so easy. First dates are supposed to be a little awkward. But maybe you really aren’t feeling it. A quick glance at all the other potential significant others might lead you to stop calling/texting your date.

A lyric that comes to mind from Childish Gambino’s song “3005” states, “And they’re saying it’s because of the Internet, try once and it’s on to the next chick.”

We are so used to getting instant gratification that having to work more than a little bit makes us give up rather than put in the extra effort. What happens if a current love interest is proving to be a challenging pursuit? The challenge of a new pursuit attracts us. After all, love is about the journey, not the destination.

As artificial as the connections might seem, the whole concept of there being more fish in the sea comes to life in a potentially damaging way as people drop their rod in the water but don’t take the time to wait.

The potential of online dating is like potential anywhere else. It’s a double-edged sword, where a wealth of options stand before you. There are so many things that you could do, but it also represents so much that you haven’t done yet. This does not mean that you should try to date as many people as possible. You certainly can if that’s your prerogative, but it requires the most effort – effort that is not even encouraged by the dating sites themselves. When people go to websites because they want to make an effort to get to know someone, they end up doing the polar opposite.

Dating requires time and effort, and the inundation of fleeting connections provides a bait and switch method, which the array of online dating sites encourages. To paraphrase comedian John Mulaney, it is 100 percent easier not to do things than to actually do them. But the easy way out is rarely the interesting one.

Jeffrey Langan can be reached at lang5466@stthomas.edu.