Take Five: Worst forms of PDA

As a friend and I exited the Grill earlier this week and made our way toward the Lower Quad, we came across quite the spectacle. The sight we stumbled upon shook our emotions; so much so that neither of us said a word until we left the scene.

No, it wasn’t the “die-in” student protest on Tuesday. What we witnessed moved us in a different way.

When we watched a male student kneel down in the Murray-Herrick foyer and kiss the hand of his parting girlfriend, the event left us feeling perturbed and hysterical. Neither of us had seen such an obnoxious public display of affection since grade school.

So, to commemorate the incident and avert future sightings, consider this list of moves to avoid next time you feel the need to share how much you care with the rest of the world.

1. Marathon kissing

Even though Soulja Boy might enjoy “kissing you in public,” not everyone else is so eager to see how long you and your beau can lock lips. Kissing is an intimate thing—as in something best saved for private. An acceptable goodbye kiss might last two seconds, but any longer and you’re guaranteeing discomfort for those around you. Chances are good that you two aren’t saying goodbye forever, so save the make-out session for next time.

2. Cling-ons

Sometimes relationships are uneven. Joey might like Jenna more than she likes him, but as long as that works for them, who are we to judge, right? Well, people love to judge. So instead of worrying about what they might be saying, don’t give them the chance. If your lover won’t leave your side and has to have a hand on you at all times, just tell him or her to stop. Save us the displeasure of watching your companion’s desperation spill all over.

3. Snuggling

Even though we’ve gotten lucky with the weather lately, everyone knows the cold is coming, but that doesn’t mean you and your other half should cuddle up to share body heat. Just get a blanket. Or put a coat on. The other people at the party or in the movie theater will appreciate your resourcefulness and that they don’t have to watch you two rub up on each other for the rest of the night.

4. Wearing each other’s clothes

Remember in high school when girls used to wear their boyfriends’ letter jackets? Well, apparently once those teens moved on to a Division III school, they decided to leave the accolades behind and just borrow less honorable items of clothing. Girls will put on guys’ shorts and hats, and guys might even suit up in girls’ sweatshirts. Rarely are two partners the same size. Why do they feel the need to share wardrobes?

5. Terms of endearment

Although not necessarily a “display” of affection, names like “hun” and “dear” are nearly surefire ways to make someone gag. Nothing stops people in their tracks quicker than overhearing a mushy term of endearment. You and your partner might have cutesy names for each other, but no one else wants to hear them. What you call each other behind closed doors is your business. Don’t make it ours by sharing with the world.

Grant Goerke can be reached at gdgoerke@stthomas.edu

10 Replies to “Take Five: Worst forms of PDA”

  1. “…but as long as that works for them, who are we to judge, right? Well, people love to judge.”


  2. Yikes, a boy kissing a girl’s hand “shook your emotions?” I agree with the marathon kissing thing, but a lot of this sounds to me like middle school rules. Is it really that big of a deal if people are holding hands, cuddling at a movie theater, wearing each other’s clothes or calling each other stupid pet names? We are in college after all…I think we should probably let up on the ruler rule. If a girl wants to wear her boyfriends sweatshirt, I don’t think that should be cause for concern.

  3. This article was prude and one-dimensional. It did not consider the concept that some people are mature enough to not care or state at PDA. Overall, the article was simply one person stating their opinion of PDA. It would have been a better article if an opposing viewpoint had been introduced.

  4. For someone so mature, Katherine Curtis makes no sense saying “mature enough to care of STATE at PDA.” Someone who is mature would spell check and think, “Do I mean stare at PDA?”

    Funny article

  5. Connor:
    1. You misquoted Katherine. (“mature enough to not care or state ” not “mature enough to care of STATE “)
    2. “Funny article” is missing punctuation to say the least.
    3. Spell check does not help when the word is spelled correctly.

    Nonsense aside, this article was still one-dimensional. Some people mind it and some people do not. I found it entertaining but I don’t think it should be taken too seriously. At least, not to the point in which people change their behavior merely because it makes someone uncomfortable. In these situations it is better to just ignore them if it bothers you or be more mature as Katherine suggests.

  6. Mr. Goerke, I think it is just great that you, out of all the students on this campus, have decided that it is your right – even responsibility – to lay out a comprehensive list of what constitutes the worst form s of PDA. It’s high time that this issue is addressed; it has been ignored for far too long.

    Every point that you imply is true. When people hold hands, one of them is most likely desperate. Snuggling is no different than rubbing “up on each other”. Girls wearing guys’ hats is vulgar and inappropriate in polite company. And, above all, words like “hun” and “dear”, when spoken in sincerity and affection to another person, are enough to make people vomit. There are few phrases more crude than “hun” and “dear”; I shudder to even type them. You are also completely accurate when you say, “nothing stops people in their tracks quicker than overhearing a mushy term of endearment”. I know myself that I am always stopped in my tracks when I hear such language; it stops me in my tracks more quickly than any natural disaster or family emergency that I could imagine.

    Again, let me just restate that you
    are right on the money with your criticisms, Mr. Goerke. I know how difficult it is to refrain from giggling like a fourth-grader whenever one witnesses any sort of public expression of affection, especially when one is in the company of a friend with a similar level of maturity as oneself (and even more so when both parties are hopelessly single). I think couples should stay as far away from each other as possible in any public setting; indeed, the ideal couple would be one that nobody else knew was together.

  7. Ok folks, let’s take a step back here.  Is it really necessary to be arguing and making snide, sarcastic remarks about an article that is clearly no more than fun and jest?  This article is filed under the category of Diversions and should be taken as nothing more.

  8. Grant, you did a wonderful job writing this article. It is witty, funny, and a welcome diversion from the the end of the semester.

    Carla Myeth are you serious? The purpose of this article is to entertain. Clearly, you do not understand that. However, I will commend you on cleverly and condescendingly stating your opinion…”like a fourth-grader.”

    The articles under diversions are intended to get a laugh, that is why they are called diversions. Taking them seriously is ridiculous. More importantly, making these articles into seriously debated or ridiculed topics is unnecessary.

Comments are closed.